Why Meaning-Making Matters:
Have you ever been asked by your therapist, "How did that make you feel?" or "What did you tell yourself about what happened?" Maybe you’ve wondered why these questions matter or even felt tempted to shrug them off. But these aren’t just filler questions. They’re an invitation to begin something transformative: meaning-making.
Meaning-making is the psychological and spiritual process of interpreting life events in ways that help us integrate them into our personal story. It allows us to turn confusion into clarity, pain into purpose, and disconnection into understanding. It’s not just a clinical technique—it’s also deeply aligned with how God invites us to reflect, grow, and seek understanding through our trials.
*Christian Insight:
“Meaning-making” isn’t just a clinical technique—it’s also deeply aligned with how God invites us to reflect, grow, and seek understanding through our trials.
n Romans 8:28, we’re reminded: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” This doesn’t mean all things are good—but it does mean that meaning can emerge from even the darkest valleys.
Why Does Meaning-Making Matter?
1. It Helps Us Heal Emotionally
When something painful happens—betrayal, loss, trauma, or change—our brains search for understanding. If we don’t find it, the emotional charge stays stuck. Meaning-making helps us identify, process, and release those emotions. Neuroscience tells us that naming and narrating our emotional experience engages the prefrontal cortex, helping us regulate our feelings and reduce emotional reactivity (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Attachment insight:
Meaning-making plays a powerful role in relationships—it helps partners better understand their emotions, communicate more clearly, and become more vulnerable with each other. When we can make sense of what we're feeling and why, it becomes easier to share those inner experiences with someone else. For people who tend to pull away emotionally (avoidant) or feel unsure about closeness (insecure attachment), meaning-making helps bridge the gap between what they feel and what they say. Instead of shutting down or becoming defensive, they can begin to open up in a way that builds trust, deepens connection, and strengthens emotional safety in the relationship.
From a Christian perspective, this mirrors the biblical encouragement to “pour out your heart before Him” (Psalm 62:8). God invites us to name our pain and trust that He can help carry it. Meaning-making is one way we step into that invitation.
2. It Improves Communication and Connection in Relationships
Meaning-making plays a powerful role in relationships—it helps partners better understand their emotions, communicate more clearly, and become more vulnerable with each other. When we can make sense of what we're feeling and why, it becomes easier to share those inner experiences with someone else.
For people who tend to pull away emotionally (avoidant) or feel unsure about closeness (insecure attachment), meaning-making helps bridge the gap between what they feel and what they say. Instead of shutting down or becoming defensive, they can begin to open up in a way that builds trust, deepens connection, and strengthens emotional safety.
Spiritually, this mirrors James 1:19, which reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Meaning-making helps slow us down, ask better questions, and build relationships that are grounded in grace and truth.
3. It Gives Us a Sense of Coherence and Control
Life can feel chaotic when painful events strike—especially when they seem to come out of nowhere. Meaning-making doesn’t erase the pain, but it creates a thread that connects the event to a larger narrative. It restores a sense of agency: “I didn’t choose this, but I can choose how I make sense of it.”
In therapy, questions like “What did you tell yourself in that moment?” help clients uncover internal narratives—often shaped by childhood experiences, attachment wounds, or past relational trauma. Identifying those stories is the first step to rewriting them.
Proverbs 4:7 tells us, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Meaning-making is a pathway to wisdom—spiritually and psychologically.
4. It Rebuilds Identity After Disruption
Major life events—divorce, infidelity, illness, job loss—often shake our sense of identity. Meaning-making allows us to grieve what was and construct a new sense of self that includes the loss, but isn’t defined by it.
For example, someone who was betrayed might begin by telling themselves, "I wasn’t enough." But through meaning-making, they might come to understand: "This wasn’t about my worth; this was about our unspoken wounds and unmet needs."
In faith, this reminds us of 2 Corinthians 5:17: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” We are not stuck in old narratives—we are constantly being transformed.
5. It Creates Space for Empathy and Repair
Especially in couples therapy, meaning-making fosters empathy. When each partner explores their emotional reactions and the stories they’ve told themselves, they become more understandable to each other.
A partner might say, “When you walked away, I told myself I didn’t matter.” That statement invites connection—not conflict. Attachment-based therapy helps couples reframe painful moments through this lens, creating emotional safety and the possibility of repair.
This echoes Galatians 6:2: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Empathy is not just a therapeutic goal—it’s a biblical one.
This verse captures the essence of emotional attunement—showing up with empathy and responsiveness to another's emotional state, which is foundational to meaning-making and relational repair. Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Empathy means joining your partner emotionally, honoring what they feel—even if it’s hard. In therapy, we help couples learn how to “bear with” one another emotionally, just as Scripture calls us to.
6. It Opens the Door to Post-Traumatic Growth
Research on post-traumatic growth shows that people who engage in meaning-making after adversity are more likely to experience positive changes: deeper relationships, spiritual development, greater personal strength, and a renewed appreciation for life (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004).
In therapy, meaning-making becomes a way to not only heal—but grow. We ask those deeper questions because we believe healing is possible when the pain makes sense.
🔹 2 Corinthians 4:17 (NIV)
“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”
Romans 5:3–5 echoes this from a New Testament lens:
“...suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame...”
These scriptures remind us that pain is not purposeless. It echoes the therapeutic principle that hardship can lead to something greater—it points us to the eternal hope we have in Christ. As believers, we trust that no pain is wasted, and that even in our deepest valleys, God is working to bring healing, growth, and redemption—not only now, but forever.
In this way, meaning-making is not only a psychological tool for recovery—it becomes a spiritual practice of hope, faith, and restoration.
Final Thoughts: Why We Ask the Hard Questions
When therapists ask, “What did you feel?” or “What meaning did you make of that experience?”, we’re not just gathering information—we’re guiding you into your own story. Because understanding your story is how you begin to write the next chapter—one grounded in healing, truth, and connection.
If you’ve ever felt stuck or unsure why certain memories or patterns still haunt you, it might be time to explore not just what happened, but what you told yourself about what happened. That’s where transformation begins.
